"Yeah, that’s my cat."
"Sir, I’m gonna go ahead and have to cite you for improper catte. Your catte is just cat, and it doesn’t have any weed, which as you know is a violation of Internet Protocol—the social one, not the programming one—420."
"The Caturday Laws."
"That’s right. Now, I’m gonna write you a summons, and that means that you’re gonna have to appear in court to demonstrate your catte compliance."
"With the weed."
"Yes. Now, a comply fail can result in a summary judgment of fail, and a fail warrant can be issued for your wincarceration."
"Just give your cat a bong, sir."
"You mean catte."
"Christ, now you’ve got me doing it. Just sign here, please, to certify that you understood this summons."
"O-o-kay…. Will that do?”
"Sir, no. You know better than that. Your name isn’t ironically misspelled anywhere."
"Sory, it’s early yet. Don’t even talk to me until I’ve had my Pepis."
"That’s the spirit. You take care of that now, sir. And you want to know something cool?"
"That’s right, sir. omgood day."
"Slap a tity, officer."