May 2013
8 posts
[insert literary reference]: Why Do Men Keep... →
literaryreference:
You know how it is, right, ladies? You know a guy for a while. You hang out with him. You do fun things with him—play video games, watch movies, go hiking, go to concerts. You invite him to your parties. You listen to his problems. You do all this because you think he wants to be your friend. But…
3 tags
Every night I lie down and try to sleep by...
I masturbate to it, then I drift off and have the dream where I’m a spy and can talk to dogs, who are also spies.
weedguy420boner: The Trace of the Teen →
wg420b:
My one beef with Derrida’s “From Restricted to General Economy: Hegelianism Without Reserve” is that it’s not at all funny. This wouldn’t be a problem except that the essay, a reading of Georges Bataille’s critique of Hegel, hinges on Bataille’s laughter. Only by taking Hegel absolutely seriously,…
2 tags
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Ranking of the Use of 'Huh' In Pop Music
This list is comprehensive, just not to the naked eye.
1. Pixies, “Hey”
2. Whatever noise Faith No More was making in “Das Schützenfest”
3. The ironic-rock “Huh” from Cake in “Rock and Roll Lifestyle”
4. Master P. doing anything. Like, laundry and shit.
.
.
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500. Of Monsters and Men, “Little Talks”
April 2013
11 posts
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State Mottoes
My father told me about a dream he had. Each state had to change its motto so that it could be written in balloon-like hippie script and fit within a cartoon image of the state’s borders, so that all the mottoes could be laid out on a map. In the dream, he couldn’t see all the mottoes, but his eye focused on South Carolina’s:
BEER IS LARGELY FOR THE POOR.
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Internet acronyms have ruined my health care.
For instance, I now read those plastic compartment SMTWTFS vitamin dispensers as
Sunday
Monday
Tuesday
What
The
Fucks’
Sakes
Matt Langer: Tumblr is incredibly →
langer:
We’re incredibly proud of our partners’ creativity and have been constantly amazed by how well these creations can fit into our Dashboards.
We’re incredibly excited to announce the launch of the new Tumblr app!
Dialogue about these behaviors is incredibly important and online communities…
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Somebody actually wrote this
This was forwarded to me in an email. I’m not sure who it’s addressed to.
There is one thing that unites most people who don’t like me: they don’t want to see me. They don’t want to hear about me. They prefer, when this is possible, not not even talk about me. You’re reading my tweets. You take your time to write these message. You actually read the responses...
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Oh, you mean WhitROW, not WhitLOCK.
Ben Whitrow’s the guy who plays Mr. Bennett on the 1995 Pride and Prejudice. That’s why I was confused. I mean, he’s not an overweight black dude, and I really don’t know how much he eats, but he definitely doesn’t talk about The Wire too much. In fact, they even have different first names. And the Bennett guy doesn’t talk about girls giving up the butt. Really,...
Ugh
Re: Tight-pantsed nerd rage about this thing.
If you can’t tell the difference between mocking cynical pageload-humping glurge exploitation of a tragedy from mocking the tragedy itself, maybe you might want to spend less time announcing to the internet your sighing pity for other people’s inability to feel things as profoundly and noticeably as you can.
March 2013
4 posts
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Here's my favorite recurring bit about 'Going...
It’s the fact that every few pages, Lawrence Wright writes a passage like,
[Scientology Leader] David Miscavige then punched and strangled a loyal underling.
which is immediately followed by “*” and yet another:
* - The Church of Scientology categorically denied that Miscavige punched and strangled the underling.
I bet they changed the wording each time just so it...
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Helping You Abuse Your Friends With Scientology:
Take these excerpts from pages 53-55 of Lawrence Wright’s Going Clear, which are private statements dictated by L. Ron Hubbard to himself, labeled Course I, and Course II, and sometimes called either “The Affirmations” or “The Admissions.”
Nothing, no one opposes your writing. You can carry on a wild social life and still write 100,000 words a month. Your writing...
Whenever I thought about high school, I used to...
I felt bad that he was the poorest writer on the newspaper staff.
I felt bad that even the sweetheart editor-in-chief gave up and just started referring to him solely by his last name.
I felt bad that his last name became a synonym for “dork.”
I felt bad that the vast majority of all other usages of his name were usually preceded by the words “shut up” and a comma, and...
About to submit an employment personals ad. Need a...
CL > New York > jobs > writing jobs > Is Anyone Else Still ‘Curving the Bullet’?
Let me be your word assassin. I know Word, Excel and Krav Maga and live in a warehouse behind a steel hatch door. DD free, v. discreet. I can host day/eve. Your pic gets mine. No freaks.
• Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.
February 2013
3 posts
Complete Personality Disintegration: As you may... →
Personally, I think this is a tendentious reading of the usage of cunt, which relies on a sexual-utility mode rather than the far more prevalent mode of social contempt and, in fact, disgust with women’s denial of sex or availability. Cunt is, more often than not, Bitch x 10^23rd, an epithet hurled after that bitchy bitch-bitch had no patience for your lame come on, so she needs to receive...
This is my food pornography for today.
I really love barbecue. I did a rub with a lot of black pepper as a base on these two briskets, then smoked them for about 12 hours over oak and cherry.
Here’s the rub, last night at about 2:00 a.m.
And here they are at 3 p.m.
There will be other food today. An Asian slaw and guacamole and some charcuterie and crudités and some other dips. But—let’s be honest—I...
January 2013
8 posts
4 tags
Amazing PUA (Pick-Up Artist) Tips and Tricks!
1. Edit the “old car horn” alert noise on your phone to be really loud.
2. Set a one-minute timer before approaching an HB9 (Hot Babe 9 out of 10) at a bar.
3. Begin speaking, seeming aloof and cool. Remember, you don’t have to keep up this part of the conversation for long!
4. When your pants start going “AWOOOGA!” look her calmly in the eye and say, “Sorry,...
publicshaming:
It’s the day of Obama’s second Presidential Inauguration! As Obama took the oath of office for his second term, the country came together as one and…
Oh wait, lmao, silly me. That didn’t happen. Instead here’s a collection of people who either fantasized or outright threatened President Barack Obama’s assassination (and note: I only picked tweets that fell right before, during,...
Matt Langer: Stop Calling it Curation →
langer:
Imagine, if you will, a world in which Richard Seaver or Robert Gottlieb had stomped their feet and huffed and puffed every time John Leonard forgot to give them their proper “↬”. Or rather, as I joked on Twitter over the weekend about the new “Curator’s Code,” if Goethe had lived long enough to…
1 tag
'My kid keeps getting AIDS by eating from this...
“Have you considered throwing it out?”
“Wow, that worked great. But the problem is that he also keeps shooting himself and fellow babies whenever he sticks hand in this giant bucket of firearms I keep in the house.”
“Why don’t you get rid of all those guns?”
“That doesn’t make a damn lick of sense.”
“But doesn’t...
1 tag
Sometimes I get made-up songs stuck repeating in...
For instance, just now, I was singing something that goes
i should give up and take a job in an advertising agency / i should give up and take a job in an advertising agency / i should give up and take a job in an advertising agency / i should give up and take a job in an advertising agency / i should give up and take a job in an advertising agency / i should give up and take a job in an...
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The Problem With The Big Bang Theory...
butmyopinionisright:
I’ve been meaning to post something about The Big Bang Theory for a while now but it’s taken me ‘till now to really understand what it is about the show that makes me uncomfortable. I’m not exactly a believer in the whole “only write about the things you like, don’t trash the things you don’t” trend which seems to be plaguing comments sections in negative articles lately,...
December 2012
5 posts
Watchstinkmanpooblog:
do they know its christmas in
Tons of thanks to Moving “Frankenbeanis” Shadow for making this amazing mashup based on a stupid tweet I wrote while drinking wine.
Journey to the Sacred Heart: trigger warning:... →
x-trung:
trigger warning: singletism, ableism, fat shaming, transfat shaming, cutting, doctors, hospital, mental hospital
Jenn here. Sorry I haven’t been posting. I recently suffered a terrible injustice at the hands of a bunch of singletist, ableist bigots. It all started when I was having dinner at my…
“Bob Mould, a forty-something with thinning hair and no other musical...”
– http://www.dailyemerald.com/2011/05/28/sasquatch-foo-fighters-leave-crowd-satisfied-fatigued/
Higher education cuts leave the U of O without Google for its student journalists? (via strippertweets)
Yelling At The TV: Rand Paul doesn't know what his... →
jecarter4:
December 5, 2012 - During a radio interview with WMAL, Senator Rand Paul made several disparaging remarks about Ashley Judd. One of these remarks revealed something I think is more important than the Senator’s anti-Judd views: Senator Rand Paul (R-KY) doesn’t know what Kentucky’s biggest…
1 tag
Remember the OLD way of printing?
AKA, the sucker’s way?
Remember when you had to plug your computer into your home printer just to print out a few pages like a chump?
All that getting up, walking your laptop into the room, hooking stuff up, then wasting your time sitting by the printer while printing stuff out?
Now, thanks to wireless, you simply hit PRINT, get up, get the first page, make sure that there’s no...
November 2012
17 posts
Okay, Jen. Here Goes: "Stop Being Mean To Women On...
dcpierson:
My fellow comedian Jen Kirkman is boycotting Twitter until men stop using it as a medium to be awful to her because she’s a woman yet still has the audacity to express her views on occasion. Or more specifically, until her male counterparts speak up against this kind of treatment. Alright, Jen. I’m in. And this isn’t something I should have had to wait until it got this bad to be “in”...
You
badkidsjokes:
Your brain is a poop bomb and you are a zombie and you are naked with your butt on fire and your butt in a girls face and you are wearing diapers
Also The Naked Man
badkidsjokes:
why the man was naked a. he was naked lad b.he had a buttcheek c.buttoast
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People Are So Jaded These Days
When I was a kid, if I saw two guys wiggling in a public bathroom stall and making grunting noises, I’d assume one of them was murdering the other. Like in Witness. But now I’d assume that one of them was sucking the other off. Like in a Republican National Convention.
