February 2012
7 posts
6 tags
We were talking about 'Irish Car Bombs' earlier...
…and I started thinking about the permissiveness of this aspect of inanely reductive ethnic stereotyping. Do you think we’d do the same thing if there were a famous Korean liquor and Korean beer and a signature drink made from it?
Would we have conversations where guys say something like, “Damn, I was just gonna take it easy last night, but then my bro Dave started buying us all...
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GOOD JOB, NETFLIX
You’re watching The Walking Dead.
More Like This:
Survivors
Fear Itself
Night of the Living Dead
Aaah! Zombies!
Jericho
The Colony
Arrested Development
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It's funny how much importance parents place on...
Like, “I can’t believe you would question how seriously I take this marriage. What if the kids heard?”
Trust me, they heard, and five minutes later they went right back to obsessing over whether The Shadowman is real or whether it’s theoretically possible for:
a. sharks to live under carpeting;
b. carpet sharks to eat people;
c. them to leap from the threshold of their...
dressyoupinmylove asked: um excuse me, do not diss the queen madonna, she is way more talented then adele with ever be and has achieved so much more and worked so much harder to get where she is today. so fuck you, if you honestly think madonnas songs are crap. because clearly you are just jealous.
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I'm not really a pop music fan, but that Adele...
I will be more than happy to have to listen to her music in private, in public, and in film soundtracks for the next 20 years, so long as she doesn’t start doing weird, awful shit—like, say, anything Madonna’s done since 1990 or so.
Seriously: you want to write 20 years of soul ballads, I am totally on board.
You want to write how you feel, how you feel, how you feel like you just...
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New York Times Obits: Still the Master of the...
“At Central Park in 2009, singing for ‘Good Morning America,’ her voice was frayed, and on the world tour that followed the release of the album ‘I Look to You’ that year, she was often shaky. Whitney Houston was born on Aug. 9, 1963, in Newark.”
— Whitney Houston, Pop Superstar, Dies at 48
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'Dear Mobutu Sese Seko, I am outraged by your...
As a rule, Americans’ grasp of African history isn’t too hot. Still, it’s depressing to see strangers rush to the defense of dead celebrities because no amount of joking—however deliberately absurd—is forgivable or in anything other than poor taste; meanwhile, they’re talking to someone who claims to be a person who tortured and executed political rivals in sports arenas.
...
January 2012
9 posts
1 tag
Guys should have way more fun buying feminine...
Whenever the grocery clerk’s all, “Did you need any help finding anything?’ I’m like, “NO, JUST THE HEAVY-FLOW PADS TODAY, THANKS!”
I sail into that conversation. I am so happy.
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Joe Paterno Is Dead: Real Death Edition
I know that child assault comments directed at Paterno are old hat and may seem predictable and a little cheap. But let’s be clear, here: when given the chance, Joe Paterno failed one of the biggest and yet most basic tests of humanity. This wasn’t a nebulously complex philosophical quandary or a snaking series of indistinguishable forks in the road.
Like the last decade of watching...
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Thank you, Jonathan Safran Foer
Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close draws to a close on a Baghdad screen. The audience stands as one, exits the theater and moves in a mass toward the US Embassy. As they hove into view of the guards, a noise reaches the officials in the offices above. No, not gunshots: it’s too faint for that.
It is hundreds of Iraqis weeping wordlessly and clapping with determination.
Finally, the world...
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Been trying to sort out my feelings about this...
So I made a list:
PROS: charming accent, was cool on Deep Space Nine
CONS: interviewed Michael Jackson, keeps slaughtering Syrians.
Having Explored 9/11 and the Holocaust, Jonathan...
It’s about a native American stuck in the Ukraine because he no longer has a country and his decision whether to use the gold he’s gotten from a downed black Tuskegee Airman—whose life under Jim Crow has never made him feel a whole person—to rescue a Jewish resident of Kiev or a secretly gay Nazi prisoner of war. It’s told through the perspective of your mom’s fever dream...
List of Inanimate Objects I Always Apologize To
Very rarely out loud and not necessarily with words but usually with a faint sense of remorse:
• Stuffed animals taken to Goodwill;
• Children’s books donated to the library because there’s no room on the shelf for them anymore;
• Christmas trees put out by the roadside.
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“This is not actually an evening that any Romney supporters really expected to have—not so much in terms of results, but…”
— CNN’s Candy Crowley, affirming that Mitt Romney supporters could actually foresee an evening and that—as it was an evening during which a vote would be taken—results would foreseeably be generated.
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“I’m sorry, but I’m just thinking of the right words to say
I know...”
– leaked text of your letter to Jenny (8th grade) and of Barack Obama’s address to the nation, January 3, 2011
December 2011
22 posts
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I've Got a Really Good Idea for an Episode of...
It’s called “Drunk Kitchen: My Drunk Sexual Decision.”
Like, I show up in the kitchen (or another guy or something—it doesn’t have to be me), and me and the Drunk Kitchen girl start making out, and she’s like, “I don’t know, I have a boyfriend,” and I’m like, “OK,” but we don’t stop kissing, and she’s like kinda...
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A Mr. Destructo Christmas Tradition: Five Facts...
1. Cyndi Lauper was inspired by spiders.
2. Spiders love hot dogs. If you chop up pieces of hot dog and put them on their webs, spiders will eat them.
3. Spider Stacy is the most handsome member of the Pogues.
4. You can totally get a spider high. I did it with my friend’s tarantula, Syd Barrett.
5. There are approximately 40,000 types of spider, and the only one that doesn’t work...
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Found Stuff: High School Walkthrough
A high school strategy guide that was circulated and edited by a wise clique has made its way to the internet. Follow this walkthrough to make high school the easiest four years of your life. (Note: As most campuses have no speed limit for foot traffic, it’s possible, using this guide, to finish high school in three years.)
Click to read more.
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"THERE WAS SOMETHING IN THE AIR THAT NIGHT / STARS...
i have a guest article @ mrdestructo.com 2day →
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I got so many perfect tens walking out my front...
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Yeah, I'm pretty much the 'Wild One' when it comes...
I have used pretty much every drug that I’ve seen or researched on Erowid (there’s a few I’ve either not been able to acquire or just decided wasn’t worth the trouble or health risks). So when I finally went to rehab in September 2008 just before hurricane Ike, my answer to the most frequently asked question when you get put inside a drug rehab (“What’s your...
Breaking: Anime Girl Wailing and Upset About...
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REAL BIG 10 FOOTBALL, THE SHITTIEST FOOTBALL...
Have you ever wanted to know what it was like to watch football in the 1920s? Just turn on a Big 10 game and coat the black players in corn starch.
____________
* — From irritable sometime-contributor Rigamarock.
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Tim Weeabo's Total QB Rating for This Season Is...
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You keep hoping and hoping, but it's hard to...
Because then it would be, “What? Toby is just a name. Why would that refer to anything? Sounds like you’re the one who’s crazy. And do we even know if it was dark out? Maybe he needed something to help him see where he was going, and then he was attacked by my asshole. Anyway, you can keep posting all the photos of this happening to me, but I’m not going to change my mind...
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November 2011
8 posts
2 tags
Best wishes to Barney Frank on his retirement.
The 71-year-old veteran member of the House of Representatives takes with him 31 of the remaining 33 vertebrae in the Democratic Party.
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Tim Tebow: Magical White Person
I wrote this and everything.
classicaldotorg:
By Mobutu Sese Seko Even if one wants to feel a genial non-interfering positivity or salutary indifference toward Tim Tebow and his “testimony,” the frequency and intensity with which it’s invoked by NFL Network and ESPN makes it intolerable. By week 14, Skip Bayless will be berating some poor Archbishop about their “beatification bias.” This...
“Mr. Bloomberg met daily with several deputies and commissioners, and as more...”
– This meme, of journalists describing elected officials (or, nonsensically, municipalities) as moving to dismantle these protests because their “patience wore thin” is particularly irksome. Because, and any competent editor/reporter should know this, the right to peaceably assemble isn’t subject to...
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Apparently Björk Shared a List of Her 10 Favorite...
Particularly interesting to see are Aphex Twin’s Drukqs and Public Enemy’s It Takes a Nation of Millions to Hold Us Back. However, what’s far more interesting is seeing all the albums obviously influential on her music that aren’t there, like:
Metal Machine Music
The Sounds of Apes Throwing Their Feces
Suspension Bridge in a Hurricane
Dumb Fey Art Bullshit
Steel Beam...
It's really cool how a bunch of insanely wealthy...
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If Herman Cain were a Democrat, the GOP would be...
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'Chekhov, why did you kill them? Why did you...
CHEKHOV: Sir… it was Kahane. We picked him up on Ceti Alpha Five… He put… creatures… in our bodies… to control our minds. He made us… say lies… do things. He said there were no Arabs on Ceti Alpha Five… He thought he controlled us, but he did not.
(CHEKHOV rises and clutches desperately at his ears as he lets out an inhuman scream. His body crumples...
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It's cool how Michael Bloomberg owns a business...
That might suggest that Michael Bloomberg’s attitude toward repeatedly demonstrated facts is an indifference to things that disagree with ideology. As the founder of Bloomberg, that casts a negative light on the product it offers. Unless the purpose of “Bloomberg: Business & Financial News” is “Business & Financial News That You Want to Hear.”
O, Titan—O,...
October 2011
24 posts
4 tags
Guy at Karaoke Night Performing 'Hill Street...
I know what you’re thinking: “I didn’t know that theme had any words.”
It doesn’t. He just stands up there and vamps for three minutes. He wins the contest every week. That’s how good he is.
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I made these Big Lebowski/Minnesota Twins jokes...
A tight-lipped Theo Epstein drops Carlos Marmol in The Dude Bill Smith’s bath. “Nice Marmol,” he says & trades every prospect with a 400+ OBP. 11 hours ago via TweetDeck
“All The Dude wanted… was some closers….” - Bill Smith getting knocked out of playoff contention. 10 hours ago via TweetDeck
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My favorite part of 'Hunt for Red October' is the...
(Inside the Boston front office…)
SEAMAN JONES: Club, owner! Crazy Asshole!
CHERINGTON: What’s goin’ on?
SEAMAN JONES: Larry Lucchino sometimes stops suddenly to see if his employees are behind him. We call it, “Crazy Asshole.” The only thing you can do is go dead. Shut your mouth down and make like a hole in the conversation.
CHERINGTON: So what’s the...
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