October 2011
24 posts
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September 2011
66 posts
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'Goldeneye' Fetishist Hitting on Hydrocephalic...
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I don't understand why 'Whitney' isn't funnier.
She’s such a standout on the stand-up comic circuit. I mean, she has tits, and she talks about how she likes to suck dick!
Why isn’t it working on a sitcom, where there have been extremely hot tit-bearing women speaking really clever lines about sucking dick for years now?
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Diablo Cody is basically Kevin Smith for girls.
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'This story couldn't be better if it had been...
— anyone describing anything
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BINARY BLACKNESS, 2012
OBAMA: Let’s talk about national economical metrics.
CAIN: Pizza
OBAMA: Okay.
CAIN: You’re Hitler.
OBAMA: Okay, but I think that you have mi—
CAIN: Pizza. Free pizza.
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Incredibly Racist Japanese Caricature Man once...
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Netflix User Review of 'Atlas Shrugged' #1
I am not surprised that this film is so hard to come by. It is such a challenge to the status quo Hollyweird populist politics I am surprised it was released at all. God forbid that anyone would revere the achievement and spiritual supremacy of the individual over the mindless collective masses.Having read the book years ago I am pleased to hear the enthusiastic reviews of the few who have been...
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Congratulations to the Boston Red Sox on the 2011...
At least they didn’t do anything stupid in the long-term, like spending $142 million on a designated fielder who can’t hit lefties, has had only two decent seasons hitting for power, sulks about the batting order but won’t hit leadoff, refuses to play centerfield, occupies leftfield with a giant wall that greatly diminishes his value and will be getting thrown out at first and...
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Every time you reblog some sexy story from history...
NO JIM CARREY NO IM BARFING EVERYWHERE SSTOOPPPP
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You know what would be really scary?
If you owned a big black Cadillac with black-tinted windows, and you walked up to it in the middle of the night and opened your driver’s-side door, and suddenly the pitch-black interior of the car lit up to reveal Thomas Jefferson sitting behind the wheel, like hard as fuck, holding a 9mm and not even turning to glance at you, because it’s like, “Oh, shit, he’s...
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For reactions to the GOP debate, we turn to...
KRAUTHAMMER: I am Gulled Dickedd. I support whomever pledged to kill the most.
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'Thank God justice is served!'
(Turns off Troy Davis news and turns on a DVR of the Monday Night Football broadcast and listens to Mike Tirico namedrop Ben Roethlisberger over a highlight package — including Drew Brees leading his pre-game Gitmo “OORAH!” chant — set to a Chris Brown tune.)
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'Gimme the tacos, some muffins and the fried clam....
— Recently out lesbian trying way too hard.
I'm working on a Bon Iver marketing campaign
nomoneydown:
Bon Iver: Pairs Great With Oatmeal™
4 out of 5 doctors play Bon Iver for people awaking from comas
Bon Iver: The Perfect Background Music for Buying Fleet Foxes Tickets™
Look for Bon Iver on their upcoming Fiscal Responsibility Tour
Bon Iver: Goes All the Way Up to 6™
Fuck, I need 10 more by tomorrow or Justin Vernon is going to have my balls.
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Promise me that if Jagger dies before Keith,...
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Scenes from a Dance Injury
DIRECTOR: (concerned) Can you move your hands? How are your jazz hands?
DANCER: (turning wrists and wincing) Busby… they’re real busby.
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Swanson 'Hungry Man' dinners are missing a huge...
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i sent my boyfriend a photo of my gay friend...
me: now, he CAN deep throat.
him: cool.
me: i can't, i suck at it. he explained how it works, but i forgot.
him: call him and ask him to explain it again.
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We had a 'Berlin'-themed wedding.
The processional was set to “Caroline Says, Part II.” After we were pronounced joined, we both punched through a giant wineglass. Then all the children were taken away.
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Is it too late to sell George Lucas on some market...
Because I was thinking of a series of commercials starring Jedi Master Grimace Windu, a gummi-bear-shaped purple simpleton who can use his “Force” on Americans to turn them into sweating lardbeasts who emit bubbling-grease noises from their starch-stuffed gorges.
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If I had to name three personal heroes, they would...
1. Jesus.
2. Rosa Parks.
3. Jedi Master Kit Fisto.
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I dig the fact that Israel and Turkey are now...
You’ve got to fuck up pretty good and proper to have a country that prosecuted a genocide give you a stern moral talking-to. But that’s the great thing about currently prosecuting a genocide; you basically take the governor off everyone else.
Even the guy who beats his wife gets a free pass to call somebody an asshole if he sees a giant dude punching a crippled kid in the face, in the...
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Every time someone tells me, 'I have to pee really...
Like, is this a rule somewhere? Did you sign an agreement? Are you unwilling to practice?
Because it really doesn’t take that much effort to practice. You can go down to 7-11 and hook up with a couple Double Gulps and make the rest of the day a serious whizz sesh. You’ll have the whole thing straight by nightfall.
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Guide for Trolling the Citizens of Delaware
1. Refer to it as “the cradle of the Vice-Presidency.”
2. Mention that you don’t have to win an election to be a whore for credit card companies.
3. Buy lots of $0.99 items with one-dollar bills, flip the penny back at the clerk and tell him, “Forget the no-sales-tax. Getcherself somethin’ nice.”
4. Wear a shirt and hat that say DELAWARE PROFESSIONAL SPORTS...
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At BASF, we didn't just add guacamole, we made it...
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my son's are to hire the russians to wipe whoever...
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Has anyone met a stripper named Chanterelle yet?...
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Wife gave me a drink with peppermint extract in...
Can't believe only four of you contributed to my...
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Started two undeclared, unratified wars at two...
AMERICA: “Blame the black guy when he starts a third.”
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You could double the efficacy of Guantanamo Bay...
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