The Essential Weirdness of Christmas Music

If you listen to Trans-Siberian Orchestra, you are probably part of the problem. Their music is like going to a Restoration Hardware and saying, “Hello, I would like one (1) unit of dad-safe metal, please.” This is exactly the music you would hear in the background of a violently stupid FPS when you entered “The Christmas Level.” I would pay heavyweight boxing pay-per-view prices to see the entire Orchestra flattened to death by a literal Mannheim steamroller. There should be a new version of Guitar Hero where if you can perfectly play through their entire oeuvre, the game rips your balls off, because you obviously will never have any use for them again.

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