Yankees/Rangers, ALCS Game 3
Wikipedia tells me that Yankees starting pitcher Pettitte is Italian-Cajun from Louisiana. This is probably true, but I’ve just figured out what Pettitte looks like in profile, which is frequently the image we see of him while pitching. It’s bugged me for years, seeing his olive complexion and slightly semitic curving nose and his fleshy and flesh-colored lips. He holds the glove near his face and seems to scowl downward, in concentration, but his mouth remains neutral, almost distracted, maybe idly opening a little. And suddenly it comes to me. It’s like a neck-up shot of a clean-shaven Yasser Arafat getting a blowjob.
This sounds like another case of Maddon tediously lecturing to reporters and the fanbase that they don’t properly appreciate the scope of what happened in the game because they haven’t waded through the numbers. But there are no sacred baseball mysteries occurring on a plane beyond our ken. Fans had no trouble apprehending the failure of Kelly Shoppach and the questionable leadership process that chose him. It took seconds for fans to grasp the horror and, frankly, the stupidity of starting James Shields. Maddon’s engaging in almost religious obscurantism, shifting the terms of the debate from the know-betters coming under attack by the know-nothings.
One of the problems with Rays manager Joe Maddon is that he obviously has “his guys” and tends to overuse and defend them for no discernible reason. For instance, if you’ve never followed the Rays, you probably don’t know anything about Dan Wheeler, like the fact that his middle name is literally “Fucking.” Nor the elegant fact that he is the ideal pitcher to bring in, in relief, if you have a genuine fear that the other team does not yet have enough runs. Naturally, you never hear anything about this, due in large part to Wheeler’s being one of “Maddon’s guys.” But you might also not hear anything about this because Wheeler’s the son-in-law of Rays play-by-play man Dwayne Staats, whose name is derived from an old Dutch word, Staatsbeinholden, which means, “Man who will never say anything critical of Dan Wheeler, even though he fucking sucks.”