My Life Is Pretty Much Like the ‘Boys of Summer’ Video

I’m awesome and own sunglasses, and I make love to a beautiful lady near a beach. Like, a lot.

Really the only difference is the lack of crippling loneliness or the black-and-white stuff. Also, there aren’t any dudes jumping up and down in perfect symmetry in front of a volleyball net. There’s one guy, but I just sort of walk around him and act like I just got a call on my cell phone or something.

And there used to be a kid downstairs who didn’t make eye contact and kept up a fucking flawless beat, but I called and reported him to DCFS, so problem solved.

And when you talk about fighting, we’re a country where, uh, we’re a firm believer on pride. It’s called Help Thy Neighbor. Do not kill, do not steal, cheat, lie from everybody. That’s why we have to have computers, because, man, nobody is perfect.